Old Habits Die Hard

There I was 40, preparing myself up for the great emancipation from secular life, only to be confronted with the idea of rekindling an old flame. I sat bewildered at the very thought of how this would derail my journey towards God, divinity, purity, and my soul's salvation. For I have never thought I would need to choose between an Ex and my spiritual conversion. And now months later I had time to regroup and circle the perimeter and all the red flags wave at me from the abyss of my romantic delusions. I am 40 and yet I fall in love like I am 18. I cringe at the idea of my grown daughter giving her mother scolding. For all the motherhood, adulthood, and years of wisdom I gained, I lose one day from unrealistic expectations from an Ex. I thought I was winning but this whole fiasco put me back 10 steps back to spiritual infancy. If I can talk to myself, I would be nasty. Suffice to say I was being lured back to an old life that no longer serves me. As a Catholic revert, I have heard of demonic attacks and temptations that could be thrown at you to keep your eyes away from God, away from the faith. I love this man, I still do. I was once a 32-year-old who met a great guy, at least I thought he was at that time. Things did not work and now he is back in town but things are never the same. I guess I have to soldier on, keep the faith. I know it is still a journey but I will keep on keeping on.