The Glorious Tree

Hello there... It's been a while. How have you been? It wasn't so dreadful as you thought it would be.  See, it went by so quickly, like a mercy kill you needed. It wasn't as painful as you thought it would. Your last post was an omen for things to come and it did come like a bulldozer of sorts and you came out unscathed like a pro. You were turning 42, celebrating your birthday with family and your closest friends, hanging in there with a lot of prospects and a mental to-do list for the planned week ahead for your holiday with your little one. Sometimes adulthood just comes to hit you in the face like a huge wake up call to 'woman' the f up for your beautiful daughter. I knew this day will happen, aka when your Ex finally gets hitched to leave you alone forever. I practiced it for years since I found out he got engaged. There was a time I felt defeated. Having been left alone to look after my child I've had fair share of heartaches in the love arena. This I think won't measure up to my past life woes. I did not shed a single tear. I already did when he came back and started flaking when he found out I'm bringing my mom and daughter to stay with me for good. It was the best litmus test. I got my answer and now I am free to unlearn the love that had me blind for God knows how many years, maybe even a decade. About 3 weeks ago, I dreamt of a glorious giant forest tree. I looked up and ran around it's trunk and found myself high up the tree. The decent was not a struggle. I did not climb at all. It felt like I just stumbled and stepped on a big rock and all of a sudden, I am hugging the tree midway to its branches. Realizing how high I've been, I held on to its trunk and jiggled my way down like a coward that I was. I reached the ground and made a sigh, but it felt like a happy satisfying dream. The realization for me came when I woke up. Either I'm a coward or I am gaining wisdom to choose my battles wisely. I'm too old to pine for things that no longer serve me. I want an easy, peaceful route with no drama, no theatrics to enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer. I'm happy just home schooling my little one, happy being mediocre at work while adding value wherever I can. My life is spent loving and serving Jesus and cultivating friendships here and there. The goal is not to accumulate things but to cultivate relationships to inspire people to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I thank the heavens for the day when I am no longer hurting instead, accepting of what life throws at me. I feel a sense of contentment just thinking about that glorious tree...